Monday, March 31, 2014

50 down....... 50 to go.

My journey has been awesome.  Having a support system of my wife has been the best thing to ever happen to me.  The only week I gained weight was a week after I lost over 5 lbs and I weighed in a a different WW.  I think it was because of a scale difference.  But overall I have been very consistent.  I have journaled all my food.  If I ever cheated it wasn't on purpose but maybe for lack of knowledge or measurement.  I have consistently gone to the WW meetings.  I like to call them AA meetings for fat kids.  I don't kind calling that because I know I am a fat kid and my obesity is a drug.  It is an addiction.  It is something that I have to take care of.  I have to control.  I have to be aware.

The funny part of my journey is that during my 190 some days of working on my health, my wife has been growing our child inside of her.  It's not the easiest thing trying to be healthy and allowing your wife to have pregnancy cravings at the same time (Ice cream in the freezer was the hardest).This weekend both came to a point to celebrate.  Saturday was our shower.  We got to celebrate with our family and friends (well, she did.  I stayed next door and enjoyed just having to eat and move gifts at the end).  We were fortunate enough to have my grandmother who is 80 years old attend from South Carolina.  It was nice having her in town.  She didn't really get to know my wife and stepson during our wedding due to us being so busy.  I wish I could of had all my grandparents in town but the other 3 weren't healthy enough to travel.  My wife enjoyed talking to her.  My stepson, Tim, enjoyed spending time with her too.

The second most important thing to happen was I hit my 50 lb weight loss.  It felt amazing.  I was really hoping I hit it this week.  Even though its just another pound here or there it makes you feel really good when you hit a celebratory moment.  I got my WW 50 lbs coin.  I think that is what makes me the proudest.  I remember a good friend of mine who is a recovering alcoholic and he always had his anniversary coins from AA.  I asked him once what they were about and why he keeps them on him.  When I was younger we talked about his past and his addiction, struggles, and why how he changed.  To see someone you respect so much and see him have to deal everyday with his addiction reminds me how hard it is to fight your addictions and how easy it is to allow them to control our lives.  I carry my coins in my pocket everywhere. By no means am I comparing my weight loss to the struggles of drug and alcohol addiction. It reminds me what I have been fighting for the past half of a year.  My addictions might be different but they are very much the same.  They can kill you.  Maybe slower or faster or however you want to think about it.  But food addiction and being obese is a disease.  Right now, I am fighting mine.  I am winning.  I know I won't always be on the winning side but I know I am going to try everyday.  For me, for my wife, my son, and my daughter.  I want to be healthy.  I am part of the way there.

This same person is the person that me think about losing weight.  He told me two years ago he was seriously worried about my weight issues.  I never thought about it because I never really put my feet on a scale.  But when i did I just pretended it wasn't that bad.  But I had ballooned to the largest size I ever was.  It pissed me off that he called me out.  It hurt my feelings.  But it also hit the right nerve.  I even told my wife how it pissed me off.  But I guess pissing me off is what I needed.  Calling me out on my bull shit is what I needed. Calling me out on being FAT is what I needed.  Even though it took me over a year after that to start WW, It hit me personally.  Someone I respected and  admired called me out.  So this is my way of saying, Thanks Rick.  Thank you for saying you were concerned and worried.  Thank you for doing the right thing.

So I weighed in at 280.  It felt great.  Hopefully next week I hit the 270's which is a weight I probably haven't seen since 2005 or 2006.  My next goal is 55 lbs.  It's crazy to think I am getting closer and closer to my HS weight.  I know I won't ever be skinny nor do I want to be.  I just want to be healthy, be active, and be happy.  I am at the right age to make this change in my life.  I am at the right point in my life to make this change too.

To the next 50.  I am coming after you.  I will find you.  I will get rid of you.

PS- Thanks to my WW sponsor Elyse and my Saturday morning group.  It's very helpful having a meeting where you enjoy attending.

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